its been a while...

A year has been, gone we travel the journey into number two. Our lives seem to revolve around counting numbers, the time we had Hannah, the time we miss her, the thing she did and how many times, how many days and nights without her.

Soon Harry will be older than Hannah and she will seem to me like the youngest, Its so painful watching growing up alone.

We busted the bank and did our last cycle of IVF this October and we only got two embryos to transfer all the others out of six died. Its so hard hearing the word die. We just wait.

Hannahs anniversary was so hard, there are no words and I wil post a whole heap of pics soon they are on another computer. We had 60 MInutes here all day, other media, we woke to tears, we laughed and cried and ended with tears. WE spent the day with family who too, like us have lost children and whilst our own family is important its just not the same, they dont understand our grief.

Hannahs headstone arrived on the Friday before and it arrived broken, I was crushed. Shattered and numb left us for most of the week until a new one arrive. The courier company reckons our Pig lolly broke it but the damage is evident its been dropped during the transport.

We didnt get her new one on her rock in time but I will post more pictures of it soon. Its rather huge and even though we hve no room for Andrews and my headstone plaques Ive told the kids I dont care hannah can have the whole rock. We were given a rock by two lovely people yet it was too big and wasnt as flat so we got Hannah antoher one with rainbow swirls of pinks and purples. Seems fitting that the first rock is going in our garden at home with the broken headstone on it and the new one at the cemetary. When we are older we wont be able to travel so its probably Hannah saying you need two of me!

My heart still aches, my eyes always cry, I find it hard to live and ive been in that dark hole again a few times now. I feel so alone in my life without my mate and whilst I have the other kids they are not hannah. Does anyone not understand the Term Love child?? she is the child I really felt love for when Andrew and I made her, I remember what her father said to me that ovulating week, it seem so small and insignificant but i treasure that week of madly making love and conceiving our miracle naturally. Now we are left to the devices of science. Takes the fun out of it and its invasive.

All I do is hope and hope isnt much, its sad when life comes to down to hope and we only want some happiness in our lives.

Hannahs Coronial Inquest is in December 2008 and we hope then we will have answers and that the coroner stands up and says WE NEED TO CHANGE.

Hannahs death will not be in vain and now her case is in the hands of a coroner and the law. it seems so unfair.