Our Purple Princess, First Day at Kindy

Well today is Friday, another day really but better than yesterday as Thursday I really struggle. I keep dreaming about the colour purple and I found another sock stashed away in the toys yesterday that belonged to our Purple Princess. I wish I had taken the most simplest of photographs with her wearing them.

I found her kindy photo, her first day of Big School she said and was most disappointed when she found out she couldnt catch the bus with the big sisters. Her first day at Kindy was wet, cold, freezing ( it was 6 degrees that day) and just miserabl weather.

The only ray on sunshine felt that day was from Hannah's smile. her blonde hair tucked away under her multi coloured pink beanie with pom poms on it, her happy heart pants that her and I made the days before because they were for her SCHOOL, she even helped sew the overlocking stitch on the elastic. She loved these pants even on a hot day and we buried her in them as well we didnt know if Heaven would be cold or not. Her pink bubble cabled jumper that Nanny Cake made and her microfleece purple reversible vest was such a hit she wore it everywhere too. She had her pink camo gumboots on, well because it was raining and she was hoping to play in the puddles.

The day was early. Hannah woke up at 430am that day and wanted to go to school. Her Wiggles bag was packed with her Bright Pink Neon PUL napppies with Pooh bear, some green ones and a navy one and her wet bag for the dirty ones. Her lunch bag and thermos we both made in the morning. A sandwhich, some cookies, a huge drink bottle and an apple and a banana were her foods of the day with a small tub of Nemo Yoghurt. Hannah insisted that carry both the bags to the car and into Kindy. Daddy helped!

Miss Debbie was her teacher and whilst she was overwhelmed at the experience I smiled as her and her dad left for the day at School.

Wednesday this week I visited the kindy its been 25 weeks since Hannah last stoody in that room and played outside. I cried my eyes out and I have no idea how the staff reacted after Harry and I left. I just wanted to sit there and remember her running around being the boss, doing everything and being the most advanced child in her class she was always helping the other kids. Miss Debbie called Little Miss Chook. The kids would sleep between 1 and 3pm everyday, not our Hannah she dropped day sleeps at 10 months! I kid you not. Hannah never slept during the day there was too much to do and so much to learn, her little head was the biggest sponge.

Hannah came home from Kindy on the 3rd October, never to go back there again. I remember picking her up and her packing up everything. She even grabbed a painting off the wall saying that she needed to take it home. Looking back its like she "knew" she had to take it.

going to kindy was so hard. I dont think I can take Harry there as Miss Debbie has moved on to another place. Kindy was never the same after Hannah died she said. Hannah's death has affected so many lives. So many that I never, as her mum knew existed until tis week.

Her Foundation launch was a success and I aim to work full time as a volunteer to help spread Hannah's message. All Hannah ever wanted to be was a baby doctor. Miss Debbie said she would have been Prime Minister and if not she wanted to know why. In all of this mess, grief and sadness what gives me the minute of comfort is that Hannah IS saving her babies, hundreds maybe thousands of them and being a doctor, working long hours she would never be doing this. Hannah is saving babies around this world and thats all she ever wanted to do.

Wednesdays are hard I miss the kindy trips, the excited stories and the bully ones of Christopher pulling her hair and Hannah telling him "you are not my friend anymore Christopher, you are hurting my feelings". Miss Debbie said she was a wise old owl and she never once swore at Kindy which was rather suprising because her older brother Andy and her has this great facination of saying F off to each other and well she could only ever get away with it from Andy and we can only swear in the shed.

One day she came up from the working shed and Said "you can't get angry mummy but i did something naughty". I had asked her what she did and she said "I said that F word in the shed, Andy lets me and theres noffing you can do about coz the sheds shotgun".. This was my baby girl, all of 30 months telling me she said her first swear word and her brother let her and she was right , I hadnt heard it so I couldnt give her what for.

The car chase. Hannah, Harry and I were travelling home from Brisbane along Old Cleveland Road and going the gateway to come home. This blue commodore had cut in front of me, slammed his breaks then swerved to miss antoher car. I was busy driving and keeping us safe but Hannah the little monkey, pushed the button on the autowindows, wound it down and yelled at the driver.. "YOU obnoxious Moron"the she quickly hit the button, the window went up and well the driver was looking at ME in the front. I must have looked gobsmacked and I was. Hannah had repeated something from a movie and a comment from me, put them together and used them in the right content. How many nearly 3 years old do this??? not to mention they guy started abusing me and all Hannah could do was laugh, saying if only he knew the truf mummy and she hid her eyes in her hands and giggled to herself.

I miss these trips, but i have to sit here and hold on tight to the memories I have. Hannah was a fantastic older sister to Harry, now all we can do is hope that she listens and gives Harry that very same opportunity. Its not going to be easy these next 6 weeks but I hope that Hannah has her map for us and she can just provide Harry with the ray of sunshine he needs everyday. He misses her so much and thugging with mum on the floor isnt hte same as a big sister.

Miss you Hannah Happy Hearts girl, Our Purple Princess.

Mummy

xxxxxx