Links to Posts in Essential Baby

Threads by Kat Plint - Drowning prevention Campaigner
2012

Supervision, this could be you

Bath drownings ahead of Pool drownings

2011

Are you buying a Portable Pool for Xmas? closed topic

Threads by EB members:

Drowning doesnt look like drowning

When are children old enough to swim unsupervised?

When do you stop swimming lessons?

VENT: Just dont understand the stupidity

What age do you bath unsupervise?

is this manslaughter?

Sleepovers at house with pool

What age do you stop supervising?

Unfenced park near canal? hannahbug help

Free swimming lessons to 10,000 Aussie Kids

What type of floaties?

VENT: Farout clean your pool. Near tragedy

pool fencing how would you do it?

Bath: DD could have drowned

Not supervising in the pool? What age?

Pool safety - drowning isnt drowning

I will keep updating that I as work on my book, most of my posts, comments and links will feature in some way in some chapters.

Just another day

Just another exhausting day.

Waking at 7 AM the alarm had been going for about an hour. Six year old had his sports Day today and the excitement over breakfast was too exhilarating to him to eat. I negotiated the complexities of him eating an Apple and he argued that he could not eat it. Off to school for the day with his father and then stayed home. I think of Hannah as I walk out of our bedroom her windchime on the wall I brushed it and it sang to me. Personally, I am struggling with social anxiety, some depression and other medical complications. I avoid the doctor at all costs because I know what she will tell me. Sometimes my denial is bliss. Other times it is debilitating.

Today my plans were to cut out some more material in my sewing room, piece together another quilt, plan another quilt for a special baby, and redesign another passion for a little girl and sort out my nappy stash supplies. I need to so to keep my sanity. But then the inevitable happened. Into the “support” office I ventured contemplating the jobs on the list. There are quite many now. I am in the middle of the charity audit, two coronial inquest research projects, advertising campaigns, and trying to figure out how to raise more money. This is just the start of my day but I am not supposed to be in the Office today, I made this a ME day. Suddenly my day turns to shit.

I ventured a few e-mails taken a few calls, posted at few entries on Twitter and Facebook, sent a message to a family struggling today, browsed a few others in the foundation to see how they were going, get some light reading on the new legislation applicable to not-for-profit charities stop which was browsing over 289 pages from the ATO and I must understand all of it no doubt.

Then came the crunchers: a boy drowned in the Kimberley is in a river after getting his leg caught in a log, rescuers couldn't save him, another boy drowned at Silkstone, he's the fighting for life, and the search continues for a young man down the Gold Coast and two families needed more support than ever today on the phone. It’s only been a few weeks for them. My mind travels back to my first weeks. I was so lost and had no one to talk to. The constant worries the family has never subsides. A little boy in QLD is being transferred to Victoria for his funeral and his father is just so distraught. The pain in his voice reminds me of my husbands, the closeness between so many is too real and not many that is understood.

It is now 4:30 PM and I still haven't entered my sewing room, I still haven't planned any of my personal stuff, today is just another day in the office that I seem tied to. I need to get out, I need assistance, today is another day where I feel I am in a imprisoned. I long for a real job, with real pay, but without the responsibility of what I have. I long to be locked away in my sewing room where the music can run free, my mind can inspire the intricate designs that so many love and I can be me. Sounds selfish? Could be, but you see charity begins at home and I do love what we do. So many criticise what we do and are callous towards the greater good, sadly others don't know the meaning of charity. I won’t apologise for being an authoritarian that comes with being a military brat and a former soldier, I am disciplined and I know where my focus is. Helping others. Don't like it? who cares what you think. The families today appreciated the voice on the phone, don't see many others sitting here talking about pain, anguish the loss and the “where do we go to now” conversations. I get sick of the arses out there who constantly put us down, that too brings my day to a head after an online post was brought to our attention. All I can say is, for those who wish to berate us and put us down your actions speak louder about your intentions than it does mine and I truly don't care what you think. The uneducated don't know nothing about our lives that is grief and loss.

Now, it's off to plan dinner and to negotiate the inevitable with my ever hungry six-year-old who is too busy watching Star Wars. My little Jedi keeps me busy, he is adorable, loving, funny and quite smart. He says is now hungry but he is just drunk orange juice, eaten three muffins, had his Apple, and a biscuit. Tomorrow this all starts again and I just hope that I can plan my sewing and live in my sewing room and not have to deal with the encounters that I've dealt with today like I do every other day.

I want to know why the Government wont fund us and give me a full time staff member. All of this is because we grieve and others need support. Who helps the supporters? No one. We are alone on this journey and all we have is those who share the journey with us. We are not lucky by any class of measure, we are parents who struggle, those who are now lost, trying to rebuild a life without our child/ren. There is no word to describe us, we are not widows or orphans, we are to the world a nothing.

To us, we are parents who hurt, we long for our children to be in our arms again, that to me is worthy of a title.

Stop the world I want to get off!

Hannahs 2nd Anniversary is under 12 days time. I cant believe she has been gone that long. yep we have achieved an enormous load for Drowning prevnetion in this country and state of QLD but its come at a personal cost, a cost that you cant even put a price on. My heart aches and nothing will ever heal it.

Im envious of all of those who have more babies, IM bitter that we too cant have more children and it all has to evolve from $$$. dollars we just no longer have. Why cant IVF be cheaper? what do we have to pay all that money upfront. there are no guarantees in life and IVF and death is no exception. I truly thought we had Hannah for our whole life, if we had of known she was here on borrowed time i would have taken more photos, given her every lolly she ever wanted, made her more clothes and played in the mud with her more. There are so many things I wish i had of done. I dont have one nice photo of the two of us or the whole family.

Two years has taken its toll on our family, my son longer talks to me, he cant cope being here at home the painful reminders of it all, its too much for me but im locked into a house that i have no escape from. The constant reminders of the previous owners their paint onthe walls, the horrid flower curtains all the same in every room, the floors unpolished and of course the damage to the lounge room and the curtains that no longer open. the house is depressing. I want peopel to come in and just gut the place and give it a new life. Why cant we too have a new life? so many others get second chances why cant we? Are we not good people?

The pain of losing hannah has costs it toll on family. Andrews family no longer communicate and tis been nearly two years, my family well thats just the same I guess they didnt know Hannah at all.

Harry is lost. He misses Hannah and he says the sweetest things but he hurts like all of us. Last week he was sitting with me onthe couch and told me of the day hannah died it broke me to peices and his words will never leave my mind unless I get dementia!

He said "hannah was in the window, the man took her in the ambulance and hannah went to heaven", he even mentioned the hospital and daddy and mummy crying, he remembers it like yesterday and when Hannah died he couldnt talk and I had no idea he could recollect everything. Harry knows the truth even if others still dont believe my story on how she died.

The last week has seen us fail IVF yet again, who knows what that our last time? I need to win lotto or the melbourne cup again! We have done so much in the line of Hannahs work Im exhausted and I feel very lonely within myself and its a battle to stay positive in this world of hurt. Ive often thought about what if they day i tried to kill myself where my family would be without me, some days i think the worst.

I dont want to reach the 2nd anniverary i hope the day doenst flop, i hope that people do turn up and listen to what we have done and the achievements we have achieved and most of all I wish to see Hannah, even just for split second. Some say we have it easy coz she has died, Id rather have her back the way she was.

I just pray for the day that our hearts heal. I hate the way our heart hurt! and both heal and hurt are four letter words but so is the word hell and thats what my life is a living hell. No one gets it unles sthey have buried their child and can no longer have the smells and sounds of a child no matter what the circumstances. I just wish i could hold Hannah again even for one just last time.I never got to say Goodbye to her where others can prepare for that day. I ache to see her and I ache to live life is jus tso very hard and peopel just dont get it.

I miss you so much Hannah I just want you back with me so we can be happy and not hurt. I wish life was so different.

Love
Mummy
xxxxxx

Heading towards Year number two.......

Its coming up to Hannahs second anniversary of her leaving us to the angel world. How pretty that world must be. I can seeh er in her purple wings, little halo and her grubby boots, she is a picture but she is Hannah, my daughter. I miss her so much it hurts and myheart aches with no ways or means to fix it. THe pain is so great that sometimes I cant breathe, my heart panics that i feel like its going to jump out of my chest and hit the floor and shatter in the pieces that it is in, than goodness for the ribs keeping it closed.

I am hurt today looking back at some of the people we have helped and befriended that have just taken from us. I feel really let down by alot of people and I feel hurt that they think charity is just for taking. THose that think charity is a right, its not, charity begins at home firstly. We have had people do things that are unimaginable, the charity they have taken and sucked the life out of is my time, energy and my feelings, its my fault that I gave to these people thnking that when I needed support that they would be there, how damn wrong i was, so those people no longer are friends. Charity is love, giving freely and unconditionally and I wouldnt be me if I didnt give it but sadly when you run a real money charity even then people just take, take, take. They are lucky to recieve it and should be thankful but sadly we only get abused for it and the gift of charity is not appreciated. I guess it says more about them then the charity. I had a lot to give once but now im thinking I shouldnt just give for the sake of it, people need to respect it before its given its not a right in anycase.

WEhave so much to do, hannahs grave still isnt finished and its hard to plan it and DO it becuase it creates the acceptance of finality. Will she forgive me for not doing it? I get to spend all day thisyear and i hope to build her a garden with some plants I just hpe we have themoney to do it and get the purple sandstone blocks cut and that no one steals them or damages it. Its a special place for us to sit and talk.

WE have so much to do before the National Day on October 3rd, we have launches to do, brochures to print up and do im hopeless at graphic art and I cant do it all. I ve also been told to take three weeks off for ivf. I have to do this becuase I want and need a baby so desperately. Harry keeps saying he wants a baby to huggle like Hannah. I hope he has memories of her he was only 17 months old at the time and i hope he has good pictures to remember in his head.

Today im struggling, im hurting, in pain with the house so much that its trashed, their is crap allover the floor, dust onthe skirting boards that i notice now and well i need to do it but i cant. i can still see hannahs handprints on the windows and i cant clean them, it looks so horribly dirty but people DONT understand that hannahs touch cant be wiped off just like that.

I wish people could understand this hurt and pain we all go through their is no sunshine today nor a purple rainbow only tears for my little shadow who is no longer here. I miss her so much and no one gets this road we now walk. I wish life was a bed full of flowers but sadly it isnt. I cant feel the life in the flowers, I cant smell them, nothing is right today.

This week its been 5 years since Pop died, four years since we lost William Harrys twin brother in pregnancy and stupidly I remember Elvis too, i was at school when I cried all the way that the King of Rock N Roll died, little did i know at that age of 8 tht he died from drugs, ihad no clue what drugs were in the 70s. Strange how we remember the silliest of things in life.

mummy misses you baby girl
Love always
Mummy in tears today
xxxxxxx

coming soon fingers crossed

This week Ive been trying to cope in the house, the house that killed our daughter, that was built by someone else, has all of his wifes lack or decoration skills and the colour palette of arse taste i have to get rid of it all. THe baby poo orange walls and trims, the horrid flower curtains all the same right through the house the lot has to go!

We are trying to refiance to get the fixing done, the hole in the wall, the pool boards gone and the rest of the illegal decking destroyed and then maybe I hope that one day I can look out the back and see something postitve in my back yard coz right now i cant.

Its depressing and horribly dark, I hate my house but I miss it when I leave it for even short periods of time. Its so tearing at my heart because I know Hannah loved this house.

Its just so hard some days, so maybe coming soon the pain will not be staring me in my face from wake up til go to bed time. I freaking hate my life now no matter what we smile at underneath that smile is a heart that torns into pieces and screaming in pain.

ITs nearly two years can you believe that? TWO YEARS. I just want to hide and be in denial it cant be that long.

Mummy misses her baby girl, i miss her smell, her intelligence and her smart arse conversations but most of all I miss her as a person, the one who loved me and shared my life and was my shadow.

Love Always
Mummmy
xxxxxx