Hannah, Harrys Big Sister

Hannah always wanted more brothers and sisters. SHe said we would have more and that she would look after them. I cant have babies like normal people and we need to rely on the scientists to put the parts together and then to rely on my body to hold them. IVF is so hard and we dont understand why our cycles dont work, we cant have that positive result that we so badly, desperately need and desire.

This week we were told that our two embryos that were transferred on the 31st May didnt make it so we are not adding to our family at this time, its stressful, its costly and I am just shattered that Harry is going to be an only living child. I wish he would smile like he does when he around other children or when he sees His "Nannah" in the house but he doesnt.

I am sorry that mummy couldnt make you a bigger bigger older sister Hannah, this hurts so much and I just long to have another baby in my arms and to make your little brother beam with delight and smile like he used to.

My heart is irreversably broken, shattered and smashed into a million, zillion, trillin pieces and nothing will ever heal this, who ever said Time heals really truly did Lie!

Lots of love and tears for you Hannah
Mummy
xxxxxx